“Come on,” Jem said.But when Tean didn’t respond, Jem prompted with a grin, “You were definitely horny.”
“Well, yes, obviously.”
“Okay.”
“But that’s not the same as being in love.”
“You didn’t have, like, a crazy connection to Ammon?You wanted to spend every minute with him?You thought he was the funniest, smartest, coolest person you’d ever met?He’d get you hard just by being near you?”
A blush rose in Tean’s cheeks, and he set down his mug.
“I’m not trying to embarrass you,” Jem said, knowing it was a moment too late.
But Tean shook his head.“It’s not—you’re not wrong.”He seemed to think for a moment.“It’s hard to remember.It was a long time ago—longer for me than for you.And I was…different then.”
Tean didn’t saycloseted, but Jem heard it in his voice.
“All through high school,” Tean said, “I tried so hard not to feel any of those things.I guess, looking back, I can see what you mean.And yes, clearly I was infatuated with Ammon, and I was attracted to him.But at the time, I could tell myself that was just friendship.”
“And when you started fucking?”Jem said drily.
Tean’s blush deepened, and he fixed Jem with a look, but his voice was surprisingly level when he said, “Obviously by that point I’d figured it out, but I was significantly older by then.”
They ate in silence for a few minutes.Or rather, Jem ate—including the rest of Tean’s sandwich—while Tean brooded.
Finally, Jem said, “It makes people uncomfortable.”
“What?”
“That kids want to have sex.That they think about sex.That they like sex.People—especially religious people—want to pretend kids are, I don’t know, innocent.Pure.But God, Tean, it’s hardwired into everybody.”
“To different degrees.”
Jem waved that away.“We’re talking in general.And in general, there’s no such thing as innocent, not unless what you really mean is ignorant.”
“So, what?What happened to Daniel was okay?”
With a shrug, Jem said, “Daniel was trying to figure himself out.Against a lot of pushback, by the way, from his parents, his community, all of that.Brennon was a piece of shit; that’s pretty obvious.And yeah, it would have been better if Daniel had met some cute gay boy his age, and if they’d been able to figure this stuff out together.But it is what it is at this point, and nothing anybody can do will change how Daniel feels about Brennon.So, of course he wants to get revenge.This asshole, whoever he is, killed the first person Daniel loved.That pain doesn’t go away.”
Tean ran his thumb along the edge of his plate, his face distant, expression troubled.
“Do you think I’m wrong?”Jem asked.
“No,” Tean said slowly.“You’re right.Biology, physiology, biochemistry—that’s pretty much the definition of adolescence, that teens are reaching sexual maturity.But I don’t think it’s as simple as you’re making it.There’s also that developmental gap as the brain continues to grow.I don’t want to be sex negative—”
“Oh really?Because you told me we couldtalkabout having sex, because it’s a work night.”
Tean paused for a mild frown.“—but there’s also something to be said for the fact that parents have a responsibility to help their children make safe, responsible choices about sex.”
“Sure,” Jem said.“Because every teenage boy’s natural inclination is to stick it where he shouldn’t at least once.”
Tean raised his eyebrows.
“Oh yeah, you too.”Jem nodded gravely.“Does the name Ammon ring a bell?”
To Jem’s surprise, a laugh erupted out of Tean.“Fair enough.”
“But Ammon and Lucy weren’t giving Daniel that kind of guidance.They were telling him he couldn’t be who he was.And they were seriously fucking him up by doing it.None of this would have happened if they’d been more accepting of Daniel.”