“We’re having a fight so you’ll feel better,” Jem said.“Well, I’m kind of having a fight for both of us, because frankly, you’re not doing much of the work.But listen, that’s what having a partner is all about: we help each other.”
“Oh my gosh,” Tean whispered, pushing his hands through his hair as the automatic doors whooshed open for them.“I can’t do this right now.”
Inside, the hospital was a bold mix of off-white, cream, and the lightest of browns.Accent walls were done in lavender or pale blues that didn’t so much provide color as reinforce the overall blandness.At the information desk in front of them, two women were arguing: one wore a man’s trench coat that hung almost to her ankles, and she carried a jar of what smelled to Tean like sauerkraut—something definitely fermented, in any case; the woman behind the desk, petite and blond and smiling like she was about to push someone down the stairs, was shaking her head firmly.
When Tean moved to take his place in line behind the woman with the sauerkraut, Jem grabbed his elbow and steered him straight down the hall.
“Hold on,” Tean said.“We need to talk to her—”
“Oh good,” Jem said, “this is something else we can fight about.”His voice took on a gruff seriousness that fell short of sounding anythinglikeserious as he said, “We’re not talking to her, and that’s final.”
Tean made it the rest of the way to the elevators in what felt—to him, anyway—like profound silence.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
Jem raised his eyebrows.“I refuse to accept your apology.Actually, you know what?That made me angrier.Double fight.”
Tean tilted his head, considering his boyfriend.“Stuff at work got under my skin.I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”
“You’re allowed to be grumpy.”Jem smiled, exposing the crooked front teeth.“I like you grumpy.Grumpy is cute.”
“Grumpy isnotcute.Grumpy is unsettling.Grumpy is upsetting.Grumpy inflicts real and permanent damage on our relationship.”
“Not ours.Because we’re soulmates.”
“Okay, well, soulmates isn’t really a thing—”
“And we’re fated mates.”
“Also not a thing.And it sounds like it’s from a really dumb book.”
“Plus I imprinted on your butt the first time I saw you naked.”
At that point, the woman in the trench coat arrived, sans sauerkraut.She looked at Jem without any attempt to disguise her interest.
“You can’t tell because he refuses to let me buy him cute pants—” he told her.
“I didn’t let you buy them because you kept calling them—” Tean looked around and lowered his voice.“—ass-stranglers.”
“—but he’s got a great butt.”To Tean, Jem said, “What’s another word for scrawny, but, like, in a sexy way?”
Tean pushed the up button a few more times.
In a heavily accented voice, the woman said, “I tell you.Turn around.”
“Uh, no thank you,” Tean said and leaned on the button.
The elevator finally came, and they all got into the car—Tean careful to keep from giving the woman the three-hundred-and-sixty-degree experience.Jem pressed a button, and the woman pressed a button, and they rode up in silence.The woman’s eyes never left Tean.
When the elevator stopped at their floor, Tean edged toward the door.
“Like stoat,” the woman finally said, nodding approvingly at Jem.“Very nice.”
Tean gave up on trying to hide his rear end and ran.
Jem emerged from the elevator behind him.He was grinning, and he staggered, leaned against the wall, slid along it—big, playacting movements of a man dying from how hilarious he found the entire situation.
“Will you knock it off?We’re in a hospital.”