“Did you give him his shirt back?”
Kazen grinned.“He came over when she was at work.Stood there on the porch and asked me for his shirt.He was nervous, but I kept asking him to come inside, so finally he did.He sat down, and I sat down next to him, and he said we couldn’t ever do that again, and it had been a mistake, and I was a special young man, which was why he hadn’t been able to help himself.About three minutes later, I had his dick in my hand.That time, I was ready and had a box of Kleenex.I gave him my number before he left, and after that, we started dating.”
“What does that mean?”Jem asked.“How often?For how long?”
“Three or four times a week, maybe?He lives just down the street.It was love at first sight.I mean, we were kind of each other’s firsts, you know, and that’s always, like,soimportant.We wanted to do all the cute stuff couples do, but we had to keep it secret, so we had to get creative.I wanted to get a tattoo of his name on my ass, but he told me we couldn’t until, you know, I was legal.ThankGod.Can you imagine?But he did it too—he bought me a promise ring, and we used one of those photo booths to get pictures of us, and he used my name for his password.Stuff like that.”
“How long did this go on?”
“We broke up when I turned eighteen; it was super sad.But I wanted to, you know, see what was out there.And Bren didn’t like that.”
“You were the one who ended things?”
“Yeah, I had to.See, Bren wanted it to go one way—he got to fuck around with whoever he wanted, and I was supposed to be this good little boy and only fuck around with him.It was, like, super unfair, and we argued about it aton.Finally, I told him it was over.”Kazen added, “God, he cried so hard.I mean, I cried too, but, like, only because he was crying, you know?”
Before Tean could come up with a more elegant way of asking, he heard himself say, “What about his wife?”
“What about her?”Kazen said, forehead creasing.“Oh, like, was she mad?I don’t think so.”
“So,” Jem said, “you knew about her?And you knew she knew about you?”
“I guess.I don’t know.I didn’t really think about it.Bren just told me he loved me, and he didn’t love her.I felt bad for him.It’s got to be hard to be trapped in a marriage like that.”
“He wasn’t trapped,” Tean said.“He was an adult.He could have left if he wanted to.”
“Not really,” Kazen said, as though explaining something obvious.“Mormons don’t believe in divorce.”
“Did your mom know what was going on between you and Brennon?”
“No way.I never told her we were dating.She would have gone ballistic.She’s not really into church, and she doesn’t care that I’m gay, but she would have freaked out because he’s so much older.I keep telling her that some guys are just into older men.Mom says it’s because my dad took off when I was a baby, and I’m, like, trying to find someone who will fill that role, and it’s super messed up and I need to date guys my own age.But my therapist says it’s more complicated than that, and I’m probably seeking the emotional stability of a more mature partner.I think it’s just everybody likes their own thing, and my thing is daddies.”
Jem’s expression was strange, and it took Tean a moment to realize the blond man was trying not to laugh.
“And after you turned eighteen,” Tean managed to say, “you didn’t see Brennon?”
“Not really.We hooked up a couple of times because I’d get pissed at how fucked-up gay guys are, and he was nearby and horny and we knew how to get each other off.But Bren wanted more than that, and he’d get clingy, and then we’d fight again, and it was way too much drama.”
“You said the last time you talked to him was over a year ago.”
“Oh my God.”Kazen glanced at the hallway and then back at them.“He got in a fight with her, and he wanted to vent.He texted me.We met up.I sucked him off because it was his birthday.”
“You’ve got a current phone number for him?”Jem asked.
The silence suggested how stupid Jem was, but finally Kazen said, “Yeah.”
“Give it to me.”
After another of those moments that suggested staggering disbelief at how weird and dumb they were, Kazen read them a number from his phone.“But he hasn’t texted me in, like, months.I should have blocked him, I guess, but sometimes we both needed it.”
“You weren’t angry at Brennon?”Tean asked.“As you got older and realized what he’d done?”
“What he’d done?”Kazen said.
“Taking advantage of you.Abusing you.”
Kazen laughed.“He didn’t abuse me.”
“You were a child—” Tean began.