“When?”Tean said.Karli blinked—again—so he said, “When did they talk to you?When did they come here?”
“The day before yesterday,” Karli said.“I know what you’re thinking, and we shouldn’t have waited so long.But you didn’t come into work yesterday, now did you?”She didn’t actually say the words, but the tone implied,You silly goose.
That meant the SBI had come around asking questions before everything that had happened in the Uinta Basin.Before the campground, before Katie and Zeb, before the attack in the gully, and before that nightmarish farmhouse.Before Rydel.Before Daniel.
“I understand that a lot has happened in the last forty-eight hours,” Tean said, fighting to keep his voice reasonable, “but you’re making a mistake—”
“Honey, I’m sorry.I am.But you’re on paid leave, effective immediately.I’m going to walk you out—right now, I know, it’s all happening fast—and we’ll be in touch as soon as this mess gets cleared up.”She brightened, and a Miss Utah smile glowed on her face.“Think of it as a vacation, how about that?”
Tean stared at his desk.The papers and books, the mug, the pens—it all blurred, swam together, separated again.“I have to get—” He took a breath.“I have some work—”
“Oh, no, you’re on leave, remember?”Karli stood, and she managed to turn it into a little bounce.“We’re going to take care of everything.Don’t fret about one little thing.We’ve got it all handled.”
For such a small woman, she moved like a whirlwind, and before Tean knew what was happening, he was being bundled out the door with his jacket in one hand, his messenger bag in the other, and the disorienting sense that he’d been turned around too many times.
He stood in front of the building.The sky was that rich, autumn blue again.The sun was bright, breaking on the chrome and glass of the cars zipping back and forth along North Temple.A long receipt on thermal transfer paper lay on the ground, and air displaced by the cars made it swish like an animal’s tail.It fluttered across the street and twitched twice more before it ended up in the gutter.
Tean was reaching for his phone when his brain finally caught up with him.Paid leave.Paid leave, because the SBI had come around asking questions.Which didn’t make any sense.It was practically begging for a lawsuit.And all that business about the division’s reputation, and the importance of public trust.He needed to write it all down.He needed to keep a record.Should he call a lawyer?Maybe.And what was he going to tell Jem?He’d still get his paycheck, and Jem would be thrilled Tean would be home.He probablywouldsee it as a vacation.Meanwhile, work would be piling up: field inspections, sample gathering, reports—
And for a single moment, he had that sickening sense of his own stupidity again.He had felt it before.With Jem.With Ammon.Like he was standing outside himself, could finally see himself the way other, savvier people saw him.Gullible.Overly confident.Blind.
The report to the Fish and Wildlife people.
Joe Neff’s depredation investigation.
The sun glared off a passing windshield, and Tean squinted.The sickening sensation passed.He waited for anger, outrage.But the past few days—hell, the past year—had hollowed him out.He felt lightheaded.When he turned toward the back of the DWR building, he didn’t feel like he was walking.He felt like he was floating.
She’d taken his keys, but a rap on the warehouse door and a stammering excuse were enough for Larry to wave him through.The key box was open, as usual, and he took a set of keys.He didn’t bother to write his name on the clipboard.
And then he found the DWR truck in the lot and started to drive.
28
In the cubicle next to Jem, Brian was eating peanuts.Loudly.Big, messy chomps.And he must have had a seriously dry mouth—or maybe a seriouslywetmouth—because after each bite, there was this sucking noise as he opened his mouth.Brian cracked the shell.Brian dropped the pieces in a bowl.Brian hacked and spat something.And then he chomped again.
Jem stared at his most recent apology text to Tean, which said,I frcked up.I’m sorry.That stupid typo.And he couldn’t fix it because it was too late.
Why hadn’t he kept his stupid mouth shut?Why hadn’t he let Tean go on his walk and not made such a big deal out of it?Why couldn’t he have pretended to sleep and let it happen and—and someday, eventually, things would get better?They could have talked about it after they were out of this mess.They could have dealt with it later.
But the dream had been so disorienting.That fucking farmhouse that had also, in the weird way dreams had, been LouElla’s house, been an apartment that was barely a memory.Opening every door, trying to get out, and finding more empty rooms.Because everybody else was gone.
He dropped his head to his arms.And then, because it felt strangely good, he banged his head against the desk a few times.
“Rough night?”Little Dick said.
Jem sat up.
Little Dick was in his Daddy’s Good Boy outfit today: crisp white shirt, blue blazer, chinos, penny loafers.He looked like a guy Jem had fucked once in a Ralph Lauren dressing room.After the store closed.Because Jem wasn’t an animal.Right then, Little Dick was carrying two Bang energy drinks, both flavored Cotton Candy, and he was holding one out to Jem with what Jem realized, after a moment, was a commiserating expression.
“Uh, yeah,” Jem said.And when Little Dick pressed the energy drink on him, Jem took it and said, “Thanks.”
“These things taste like ass, but at least they keep me awake.Hey, I bet that means you’ll like it.”
Jem managed a weak smile.
“Come on,” Little Dick said.“I’m joking.We can joke like that.”
“Yeah, totally.It’s fine.”