“I’m not afraid of you,” she said, pushing her empty plate to the side.
He raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”
This time, she saw through the joking question to the muscle flickering in his jaw and the tightness in the fist he rested his head on. He was worried. Hiding behind humor.
“It’s not you I’m afraid of. I’ve only ever had one person. Even the staff at Blythe- they know me for what I am to Brielle. I get along with them fine, but I was very young when my mother died. I don’t remember anything about her, really. I think she loved me, but all I remember of the time was being hungry and cold. The next memories I have are of finding Brielle and feeling safe. Like I’d found my other half. What I’m trying to say is I’m not good at letting people in. It’s not easy for me.”
The more she spoke, the more Ira relaxed, like he was holding onto every word and grateful for each small morsel she gave. He deserved more than her excuses, but it was all she had on a full stomach and two glasses of wine.
After what felt like an hour where she thought for sure she said the wrong thing, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and setting his chin onto his fists. The way his eyes cut into her was like lightning striking, igniting her body in ways she’d only ever imagined.
“Lucinda,” he said slowly.
She swallowed hard. “Yes?”
The corner of his lip twitched before he resumed his smoulder that burned her inside out.
“First, you do not owe me or anyone else an explanation for who you are. Second, you seem to be making the mistake of thinking that I see you as flawed. There is not a single thing wrong with you, and in fact, I very much like who you are. I have no expectations of you. It doesn’t matter what some magical being on a mountain said. What matters is how you feel.”
His words wrapped around her.Safe. Safe. Safe.
“It’s hard to be vulnerable,” she whispered.
He shrugged, leaning back. “Then don’t be. Use that sharp wit and just have a good night with good people.”
Throat thick, Luci nodded. No expectations. Safe.
“It’s that easy, hm?” she said.
He held up his hands. “It’s that easy.”
Luci rested her chin on her palm and met his gaze, determined to feel something real. To not hide behind fear and loss.
“Are you afraid of anything?” she asked.
He chuckled and crossed his arms, eyes glinting.
“Absolutely. There is always the crushing fear of not being a good ruler, the fear that if I had been born after Gladys, she would be better than I ever could. Fear of ruining my family legacy. There’s the fear that Max will get older and the world won’t understand him. I’m terrified of disappointing my parents. I do have a bit of an irrational fear of trolls. Lucien used to tease me when we were boys that trolls were real and would sneak into my room and eat my eyes. You know, in hindsight, I should have asked Elowen if bringing back magic would have consequences, such as trolls. Speaking of, I’ve lost a little sleep over what bringing back magic even meant, and maybe I shouldhave spent more time thinking that through, which brings me back around to being a terrible ruler.”
When he finished, he lifted his glass of wine and tossed it back, downing it in one go as she had done earlier.
Luci watched his throat work, and for some reason, she pressed her legs together to keep the pressure between them at bay. Goodness, this vulnerable business was a slippery slope.
“Is that all?” she said, voice tight.
He finished and set the glass down, tapping the table.
“I am afraid if I ask you to dance right now you’ll say no,” he said.
There was a challenge in the way his eyes danced over, and she realized he really was paying attention to who she was because she straightened her back and leaned forward.
“Right here?” she asked.
His answering smile was louder than the music playing all around them.
“It’s not a waltz, but I think I could keep up, what about you?” he said.
Her lips twisted, but there were some things that had to be done.