Every step up the stairs was punctuated by the aggressive beat of her heart, reminding her that she had acted rashly. She should never have kissed him. She should have told him that he was insane for thinking that they could be anything. Yet Elowen had been clear that it was their line, implying- well, it was just impossible.
By the time she got to the room, it was just as they’d left it, but a dress of deep blue threaded with gold ivy laced over the hem lay out on the bed. It was beautiful with its three-quarter sleeves and sloped neckline. More beautiful than any gown she’d seen while at court, but the simple A-line of it made it feel like home. As it were, not only was Agnes an excellent innkeeper, she had wonderful taste as well.
As she washed, her skin felt too tight, too sensitive. The lavender and oils reminded her what it meant to be human once more, but all the while her heart only raced faster and faster. It was like her mind couldn’t rest for one moment, or something terrible would happen. Luci glanced at the window where the Midnight Flower was set in water, appearing as healthy as it had been when she’d found it.
Yet nothing felt right. Elowen said Brielle was safe, that she would make it in time, but what if it was a lie? What if Elowen didn’t know for sure? What did Ira expect of her? Just because they were compatible didn’t mean they would be happy. It was too much, too fast. She didn’t even know how to feel about it. She needed Brielle.
A gentle knock at the door made Luci jump two feet off the bed.
“Yes?” she whispered.
“I thought I should come check on you.” Agnes' voice called.
Luci let out a sigh of relief that she hated. She didn’t want to be afraid of Ira. He didn’t deserve that. He’d never pressured her or cornered her, but Luci had only ever lived for one person. It was all she knew. To have another person wanting her time and her energy was overwhelming. Midnight, he hadn’t even asked her for any of it. It wasn’t like he’d proposed marriage except for that first time, but it hadn’t been her.
“I’m coming in,” Agnes called.
Luci didn’t stop her mostly because she felt entirely paralyzed and glued to the bed. In fact, she might never move.
Agnes opened the door and took one look at Luci before nodding knowingly.
“I know a woman too deep in her head when I see one,” she said, coming to sit next to Luci.
Luci shifted down the bed, giving Agnes more space as she stared down at her hands, feeling lost in an abyss of turmoil.
“I may be a gullible old woman, but I still can tell when two people are in love and ain’t nothing more simple than that. Doesn’t much matter if it’s a prince or a servant,” she said.
Luci lifted her head, mouth parting while Agnes sported a wicked smile with a glint in her eyes.
Groaning, Luci put her head in her hands. “Did he tell everyone down there?”
Her laugh reminded Luci of breakfast rolls and fresh coffee with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.
“No, though that boy is honest enough that he might just if one of us doesn’t go down there. Mostly, I think he was worried about you and thought you could use a friend. That and he requested a second room,” she said. “I’m sorry about your Brielle as well, but midnight knows she’s lucky to have you. Not many would go to such lengths for someone like you have.”
Luci stared at the midnight flower.
“I wish she were here,” Luci said quietly.
A small murmur of agreement from Agnes.
“And if she were? What would she tell you about that young man sitting downstairs?”
Luci snorted and wiped at her cheeks despite the lack of tears.
“She would tell me to stop being so ridiculous and overthinking everything,” Luci said.
“Mmhm. And what would you say back to her?”
Luci threw up her hands and sucked in a shaky breath.
“I would tell her that this isn’t a storybook. Maybe he loves me- even though I don’t have the slightest clue why- I’m grumpy and cynical and stand in my own way more than not. I’ve only loved one person, and I don’t really know who I am outside of her. I don’t know how to let someone else in. It isn’t something I can just do. Brielle and Ira- it’s easy for them. It’s- it’s just different for me.”
Nodding, Agnes let loose a long breath.
“A strange thing to propose to a woman after a few hours together.” Agnes hummed.
Luci’s laugh sounded more like a choking, but she sniffed and wiped at her nose.