I won't wait until it's too late. Not with my son.
SEVENTEEN
Janie
The corridor stretches endlessly before me, a white-walled tunnel that seems to grow longer with each step.
My back aches from hunching over reports all morning, followed by a three-hour consult with the outreach team. I rub my neck, feeling the knots that have formed there.
"Janie!"
My head snaps up at the familiar voice. Blake strides toward me, still in his navy EMT uniform, radio clipped to his shoulder. His grin flashes wide and bright, the same one he'd wear when he'd sneak me ice cream after bedtime when we were kids.
"What are you up to? Looks like no good." I step into his hug, the familiar scent of his aftershave mixing with the hospital's antiseptic air.
"Just dropped off a patient. Thought I'd see if I could catch you before heading back to the station." He pulls back, studying my face. "You look wiped out."
I roll my eyes. "Thanks for noticing. I've been inmeetings all day with surgeons and hospital administrators. It's got to be a form of torture in some countries."
"Still killing it though." He nudges my shoulder with his.
"Always." I smile despite my exhaustion. Blake has always been my biggest cheerleader, even when I couldn't stand myself. I cherish his constant support and admiration, grateful for our relationship.
The guilt sticks in my throat. The secret I've kept from him, too. I know it's only a matter of time before he knows the truth. I push it down. I don't have the capacity to deal with that now.
He shifts his weight, that specific way he does when he's about to ask for something. I know all his tells.
"So, I was thinking..." He scratches the back of his neck. "Tyler's been begging to go camping. You know, that spot up by Lake Worth we used to go to?"
"Mmhmm." My phone goes off in my pocket. I ignore it.
"I was thinking I could take Tyler and Beckett." His eyes brighten. "Kid's gotta learn to fish sometime, right?"
"You, by yourself, with two kids in the woods? I don't think so."
"Are you questioning my parenting skills?"
"Beckett is really young, bubs. Maybe we wait until he's a little older."
"Alright, well, what if I could convince Warren to go with me? We know those woods better than our own yards. And, I'll have an extra set of hands. It will be good for Becks."
My stomach drops so fast I'm light-headed. Suddenly, I have the need to sit down. Beckett. Warren. Together overnight in the woods.
"This weekend?" My voice sounds strange, too high.
Blake nods eagerly. "Friday and Saturday nights. We would come back early Sunday. Nothing crazy. Tyler's been asking for weeks."
The hallway feels suddenly smaller, the fluorescent lights too bright. I can't say no—Blake would ask why. But Beckett's never slept away from me except at my parents' house.
"I... guess that would be okay. But just one night, okay? He's still pretty young. And Gemma's visiting this weekend."
"One night is fine! They'll have a blast." Blake beams, completely oblivious to the turmoil churning inside me. "Warren used to be great at pitching tents, remember?"
I force my lips into what I hope passes for a smile. "I remember."
My worlds are colliding. Warren will spend more time with Beckett and every moment brings us closer to the truth spilling out. Will Warren feel compelled to tell Blake if they are together, just the two of them, for so much time?
"Cool. I better go. My partner is waiting for me. I'll let you know what time I'll pick up the little booger. Pack some warm clothes. I'll take care of the rest."