“It was. But I survived it. And then Hank came into our lives and loved us both. The point is, I understand the fear. I understand the weight. And I know you can carry it, because you’re mine. And you have your father and me. We will support you and help you in any way you need us.”
Tears burn my eyes, but something steadier pushes through the panic. “What if I can’t? Grad school, fellowship, the city. I don’t even know if I can take care of myself most days.”
Her voice softens. “Janie… you don’t have to make any decisions tonight. You have options. Have you considered…? Do you want to keep this baby?”
The answer is there before I can second-guess it. “Yes. I’m keeping it. No matter what. The only question is whether I should come home or if I can do this alone. Oh, mom. I'm so sorry.”
My sobs fill the silence. If there was ever a time I needed my mom, it's right now. I'm not sure I've ever needed her as much as I do right now.
"Baby. You have nothing to be sorry for."
I rub my eyes and wipe my forearm across my nose.
“If you’re keeping this baby, you finish what you went to Chicago for. And you won’t be alone. Your dad and I will come there, we’ll help you set up help so you can still go to work and get your schoolwork done. Hell, I’ll move up there and stay with you if you want. We’ll figure it out together.”
A shaky laugh slips from me. “You really think I can do this?”
“I know you can. It won’t be easy. But you’re stronger than you think. And…you may want to see if you can locate the father. If nothing else, he could help financially.”
My stomach twists. “I don’t need financial help.”
“Honey, babies are expensive. I’m only saying this because I want to make sure you have every bit of support you can get.”
“I’ll figure it out.” The words come out harder than I mean.
Mom exhales again, quieter this time. “Alright. I can tell you don’t want to talk about the father right now, and that’s okay. When you’re ready, you’ll tell me. For now, let’s just focus on you and the pregnancy, okay?”
I bite my lip hard. “Thank you, Mom. You have no idea how much this means.”
“I’d go to the ends of the earth for you, honey. And so would your dad.”
When we hang up, the weight hasn’t vanished, but it’s shifted. After a full day of sheer panic, one phone call with my mom, and suddenly it’s bearable. If she believes in me, then I can believe in myself, too.
The brief sensation of resolve evaporates quickly when I pull up Warren's text stream. Stupid decision. Warren’slast unanswered message stares back, and the lie I just told settles like a stone in my stomach.
Our last exchange stares back at me. Then below it, four bright blue bubbles from me spread across weeks, compared to a wall of silence from him.
Saw this coffee cup and thought of you. The barista even got your grumpy face right!
? Read 6:57 AM
How's your week going?
? Read 7:42 PM
Oh, my god! Some guy walked past me in a Gators hoodie, and I almost tripped him. Seminoles for life, amiright?
? Read 3:15 PM
They sell sweet tea up here in bottles. Actual bottles. I told them this was a crime against the South.
Not Delivered
My stomach drops. Not delivered? That can't be right. I tap the message, watching the spinning wheel try to resend it. Nothing happens. The little exclamation point appears next to my text.
"No, no, no," I whisper, my heart rate accelerating.
I type quickly, my fingers trembling.