“I’m assuming you want to talk about the results from the genetic testing we just did?”I asked hesitantly.“Did you find something wrong?”
Darren had wanted to know as soon as possible what the sex of the baby would be, along with any genetic abnormalities that we might be passing down.Those genetic abnormalities aside, I was afraid to know the sex of our baby.Because then there would be no more uncertainties for their future.It would be decided, and I would still be helpless all the same.
“No, Jaden, I’m not here to talk about the genetic testing,” Sid answered, his voice low and surprisingly somber.
“Okay, then what’s up?”
He sighed as he looked out onto the ocean, a strange longing in his eyes I’d never seen before.His behavior was strange—lax and informal, and lacking the usual medical professionalism I knew him to exhibit.His shoulders sagged as he placed his hands in his pockets and stood there in thoughtful silence.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, Jaden,” he suddenly said, his voice light and calm.“Done some terrible things I’ll never be able to forgive myself for.And over the last couple of months, I decided that before I leave this earth, I wanted to do just one thing,anything, to circumvent the suffering I know I’ve contributed to.”
I frowned at his vague confession, confused by the candidness of his words.Yes, Sid had contributed to suffering.He turned the other cheek while Darren sold women to wealthy bidders without so much as blinking, never once reporting the atrocities to the proper authorities.He stood by countless times, cleaning up the blood and bruises Darren had left behind on my skin, while also managing the psychological damage I’d endured throughout the years at his hands.
And while it seemed Sid tried his hardest to remain unaffected, his behavior had noticeably softened over the last year.But I kept my suspicions and observations to myself, waiting impatiently for him to continue.
“What are you saying, Sid?”I prompted him as we kept our leisurely pace along the shore.
“I’m saying I wish I could have done more for you when I had the chance.But unfortunately, my time has run its course, and I can’t push it back any longer.”A cough had ruptured up his throat, causing him to turn away and hack a light splatter of blood into the sleeve covering his elbow.
“You’re dying, aren’t you?”It was more of a statement than a question.
Regaining his composure, he sucked in a deep wheezing breath and cleared his throat.
“Yes.”
I nodded, a strange sense of sadness clenching at my chest that I had no right to feel.This man was an enabler, indifferent to the suffering of others all around him, yet somehow, I had grown some form of attachment to him.A reluctant, subpar ally.If Stockholm Syndrome had ever taken hold, it would’ve been for Sid.
“How much longer do you have?”I asked tentatively, wincing at the question.
“Not long,” he replied dryly, his voice now course and jagged.“Which is why I need to tell you this now while I still have the chance.You may hate me for it, or you may be relieved, I don’t know, but I want you to know I did what I did to spare you from this fate for as long as I could prevent it.I did what I did because you don’t deserve this life, Jaden, and neither does a child.”
We had walked sufficiently far enough that even the wind wasn’t necessary to cover our conversation anymore, making me stop in my tracks as my stomach clenched.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Sid stopped as well, sucking in that salty ocean air and then turned to look me in the eyes.“You’re not pregnant, Jaden.Youneverwere.”
I felt my entire body stiffen like it had been struck by lightning.With my heart suddenly exploding with misfires, my brain struggled to comprehend what he had just said.Surely, I had misheard him?Right?
“What?”I felt my mouth fall open in outrage, accompanied by all the questions I needed immediate answers to.“What the hell do you mean Inever was?How…how could that be possible?”
Sid looked white with guilt, grimacing at my reaction as he attempted to explain.
“What you have is something akin to a rare condition called pseudocyesis, also known as phantom pregnancy,” he answered plainly.“It’s a rare medical phenomenon where the patient exhibits all the usual signs of pregnancy, but without the presence of an actual fetus in the womb.”
I felt my heart race into overdrive, my breathing increasing to panic level.What the hell was happening?What did this mean?How in the fuck?—
“You need to calm down, Jaden,” Sid spoke quickly.“Do not let them see you react.If your heart rate spikes too quickly, Darren will be alerted, and I won’t have the time to finish telling you what you need to hear.Come on, deep breath.”
I did as he said, breathing in slow and deep to relax the hurricane of elephants building in my gut.I certainly did not want Darren disrupting this insane confession right now.
“But…all of the morning sickness, the headaches, the fatigue, my breasts, even the weight gain?Everything I felt, wasn’t real?”
“Itwasreal, Jaden.Your body behaved exactly as it would have had you actually been pregnant.”
I shook my head as I recounted everything that had confirmed my pregnancy, all the signs, all the symptoms, even the ultrasound!
“But we had an ultrasound.I saw it on the screen.Weallsaw it!”I argued, still clinging to the denial of what I desperately wanted to be true.