“Dad, not that I’m not thrilled to see you—”
“Obviously,” he said with a teasing smirk.
“—but what are you doing here?”
“We need to go over some things for this weekend, and lately, it seems the only time I can corral all my children is when they’re at work.”
“But I have a client in…” I paused to check my watch. “Ten minutes.”
“Yes, with Mr. Roland? That would be me. It’s a shame I had to book an appointment to speak with my children. Nori and Ronan don’t treat their father like this.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t compare us to that spoiled diva and man-child.”
“You shouldn’t insult your future sister-in-law.”
“Nori is a bully,” I said, following him to the conference room.
“And Daisy isn’t?”
Daisy was a bully and more, but I wouldn’t badmouth my little sister.
“Uh-oh, who’s in trouble?” Casey asked when we entered the room. My stomach grumbled loudly as soon as I set my sights on the breakfast bar teeming with assorted pastries, meats, and fruits. Every day, a sibling provided breakfast, except on Fridays when I took everyone to dinner.
Kieran might be a little shit, but he didn’t disappoint.
The coffee machine finished percolating, and I didn’t have to open my mouth before Kieran handed me my least favorite personalized coffee mug that I’d received from Daisy as an unwanted Christmas gift. It read, “Got pussy? Neither do I.”
I became angry upon receiving it, but quickly realized I wasn’t Daisy’s sole victim. Dad received a mug that said, “Breed Her Kink,” with our mother’s face plastered on the front. Everyone thought it was hilarious, except for our mother, who threatened to get the belt for Daisy. Mom’s mug said, “I ride more than Harleys,” with our father’s face on it. Casey’s said, “Penicillin,” followed by a heart emoji, alluding to the time Casey contracted chlamydia, and I had to accompany him to the doctor because he wouldn’t stop freaking out. Neither one of us was prepared when the nurse unsheathed a long Q-tip and inserted it into my younger brother’s urethra. The poor thing was so traumatized that I took him for a treat afterward. There we were, 21 and 20, sitting on opposite ends of a park bench, nursing our ice cream cones while we made silent promises to ourselves to always wear a condom.
Ronan’s mug said, “I put the roid in Android,” because he loved working out and had an Android phone. Nori’s mug had a photo of a wife-beater on the front. Kieran’s mug said, “Professional Ass-Kisser.” Ms. Simone’s mug had the phone number for Child Protective Services because Daisy was once present when Nori got spanked for some lousy shit they were up to. Ms. Simone wagged the slipper in Daisy’s face and told her she better be glad she didn’t belong to her, or she’d get it too. Daisy had looked to me for help, and I shook my head. She was on her own. Last but certainly not least, Uncle Ant received a mug that said, “This limp ain’t fo sho. I’m a certified pimp, ho.” Unsurprisingly, he loved his mug the most.
“Why can’t I visit my children without something being wrong?” Dad asked Casey.
“That’s just how it is, Dad,” he sighed, stepping in line to get food. I popped him in the back of the head. “What the fuck, Grant?” he complained, smoothing the dark hair that I’d upset back into place.
“Have some respect and let Dad eat first.”
“My bad. I’m sorry, Dad. I had a lapse in judgment. I forgot how important it was for the elderly to maintain their feeding schedule.”
What a dick.
“I’ll keep that in mind when you turn thirty next year and you’re looking for full access to your trust fund. Who knows, by then, I might have dementia like Granddad,” Dad replied.
“Geez, Dad. Can’t you take a joke?” Casey backpedaled. “I’ll fix your plate. What do you want?”
Dad smiled and shook his head. “I’m fine. I had breakfast on the terrace with your mother as usual.”
“How was she this morning?” I asked.
“Frazzled. There’s still so much to do before the big day. I offered to help, but she insisted I stay out of the way and that she had Simone.”
I nodded pensively. “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.”
“That’s actually what I’m here for. I’d love to go into more detail, but it seems we’re missing the bride.”
As soon as my father punctuated his sentence, Daisy ripped through the conference room like a Texas tornado. My mouth dropped at her appearance. She threw her cognac leather briefcase our parents had gifted her when she graduated law school into her designated seat and ripped off her blazer.
“Jesus. What the hell happened to you?” Kieran exclaimed.