“I… um… what way?”
He kisses my jaw, up to my ear, and sucks the lobe, making me shiver. “I don’t know.” He kisses slowly back to my mouth, and I realize he’s thinking about it, trying to make sense of his feelings.
“You don’t have to say anything,” I tell him, not wanting him to panic at the thought of what I’m expecting him to say.
“I want to.” He nibbles my bottom lip. “I want you to know how you make me feel.” He touches his nose to mine, then lifts his head again. “I suppose what I’m saying is… maybe… what we’re doing… pretending to be together… doesn’t have to be pretend.”
We study each other in the semi-darkness. He kisses me again.
“You… want to… date me?”
He shrugs. “Yeah. Amongst other things.” His lips twitch.
“So you’re saying… we get rid of the contract?”
“Yeah. Tear it up.”
I love the thought, but something else strikes me. “What about the engagement?” I lift my hand and look at the ring,feeling suddenly sad at the thought of taking it off. “Do you want it back?”
He looks at it, then brings my hand to his mouth and kisses the ring. “No.”
“I’m sorry to be so dense, but…”
“Let’s get engaged. For real.” He kisses me. “Marry me, Chessie.”
I stare at him. My heart bangs on my ribs. Suddenly, I can’t breathe. I push his chest. “Can you…”
“Oh, sure.” He withdraws carefully and disposes of the condom, while I sit up and move back against the pillows, pulling the duvet around me. “Just a sec,” he says, and he pulls on his boxer-briefs and leaves the room.
I sit there, stunned, for twenty seconds until he comes back into the room. He’s carrying a water bottle, and he closes the door, gets on the bed, and passes the bottle to me. “Drink up,” he says. “Need to rehydrate.”
I do as he says without thinking, my head full of too many other thoughts to object. When I’m done, he takes the bottle from me, has a few mouthfuls, and places it on the bedside table. Then he lifts an arm.
I move closer to him, and he snuggles me up against him.
“What do you think?” he asks. “Sorry, I know it wasn’t the most romantic proposal, but it was from the heart.”
“I think it was very sweet,” I say slowly. “But it’s a bit too soon for declarations like that. We’ve just had sex, so there are all kinds of hormones shooting around our systems. I think you should wait a while until you’re thinking clearly.”
“Oh, I’m thinking clearly.” He tucks my hair behind my ear. “I’m in love with you, Chess.”
That makes me inhale and my eyes widen. “What?”
“I’ve loved you for a long time as a friend. But tonight I realized I’minlove with you. My heart races when I see you.I think about you all the time when we’re not together. I love being with you. You make me feel good. You make me laugh. And this…” He gestures at the bed. “It was the last piece of the puzzle.”
“We’ve slept together once. You can’t decide you want to marry me after one fuck.”
But he doesn’t smile. In fact, he frowns at me. “Don’t make light of my feelings.”
“Oh… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“I know what you’re saying, and if you want to wait and date for a while, I’ll understand. But I haven’t felt this way before. In the past, thinking about staying with one person made me feel uncomfortable and trapped. But I don’t feel like that with you. The thought of staying with you makes me feel excited and… whole. In fact… I’d like you to move in with me.” He smiles.
My lips part, but no words come out. Eventually, I manage to squeak, “Really?”
“Mmm.” He bends his head and kisses me. “Look. I’m not saying we have to get married tomorrow. We can wait until we’re both ready. But I am saying I like the idea of staying engaged. Of showing the world that I’m committed to you.”
“You haven’t dated anyone long term,” I point out carefully. “So I can see why the idea of commitment is new to you, and I’m flattered that you feel that the idea of staying with me doesn’t scare you. But it’s a big step from long-term dating to marriage. I think you’re attracted by the romantic notion of the big gesture. I just think maybe you should take it nice and slow.”