He undresses me with tender hands, helping me step into the shower.The water is hot, but I barely feel it.I'm numb.
Gage washes my body as if I'm made of glass.His fingers are gentle, reverent.He washes my hair in slow circles, just like he did that night.I stand still, tears mixing with the water as they stream down my face.
We don't make love.We don't kiss.We just hold each other under the spray, forehead to forehead, hearts broken open.
And for the first time in my life, I let someone take care of me.
Chapter 28
Gage
Themorningofthefuneral, Skye is running on autopilot just like she has since the call came.It’s as if she's here, but not really present.Every time I look at her, it hits me how fragile she is right now.I’m doing what I can.I took care of the arrangements, spoke to the funeral director, and confirmed the time and location.I made sure the flowers are delivered and double-checked the guest list.Anything to take the weight off her shoulders.
But it's while I'm finalizing the paperwork that I see it.The invoice from the hospital and funeral home are marked "Paid in Full."The name listed under payment?Alan Lawrence, her father.Not a foundation or research study like she thought her mother was in.
That's when it hits me: there was no medical study.
I don't think she's realized it yet.She's been so wrapped up in the logistics and the rawness of it all that she hasn't noticed the lack of paperwork from any grant program.Or maybe she has and just can't deal with it.I don't bring it up.Not today.Not when she's barely holding it together.
She hasn't cried again since that night.It's like the floodgates are closed and locked, and her emotions sealed behind some invisible wall that even I can't reach.
While she's in the bathroom, I lay out her clothes, a black dress I found in the back of her closet that I think she'd pick if she were in her right mind.I smooth the fabric and set her shoes beside it, then go to get dressed myself.A black suit, simple with no tie.Skye always says I look better with a couple of buttons undone.
When she comes out of the bathroom, she stops and looks at the dress, and then at me.Her eyes are red rimmed, but dry for now.
"You picked this one?"she asks softly.
I nod."Thought it looked like you.Classic, strong.Beautiful."
She gives a small, sad smile that barely reaches her eyes."Thank you.I couldn't...I didn't want to decide."
"You don't have to decide anything today.I've got you."
I help her into the dress, zipping it up carefully while she stands still, staring out the window.Her hands tremble as she slides on her shoes, and I kneel to buckle the strap for her.
"You look beautiful," I say, rising to meet her gaze.
"I feel like I'm going to break in half."
"Then I'll hold the pieces together."
She exhales a shaky breath and leans into my chest.I hold her tightly, my hand stroking slow circles across her back.
"Do you want to eat something before we go?"
She shakes her head."Just coffee.I don't think I can stomach anything."
I brew a cup and hand it to her while she sits at the kitchen table, staring blankly ahead.Sitting beside her, I brush my thumb over the back of her hand.
"You ready?"I ask as it gets closer to the time to leave.
"No.But let's go anyway."
We leave in silence, but I don't let go of her hand for a second.
The funeral home is already filling when we arrive.People murmur softly, dressed in black, clutching tissues and programs.I lead Skye through the crowd to the front, where a framed photo of her mom rests atop a table covered in lilies.
Gemma, Carter, Summer, and Knox are already there, waiting for us.Summer wraps Skye in a tight hug while Gemma squeezes her hand.