It's not frantic or desperate.It's soft and full of everything we haven't been able to say.
When he pulls back, he rests his forehead against mine."I was scared.Watching that car come at you.If I hadn't…"
"But you did," I whisper.
His hands slide down to mine, and I grip them for dear life."I can't lose you.Not like that," he says.
We stand there in the silence left by the fading roar of the car until I finally nod and he steps back as we go to my car.
As soon as we pull out of the lot, the silence in the car thickens.
The ride is quiet at first.I grip the wheel, hyper-aware of every glance he sneaks in my direction.Halfway there, he finally speaks.
"I saw you the other day in class.Sitting there while I stood up front...pretending I didn't know you?That was brutal.Hardest thing I've ever done."
My chest tightens."Yeah.Me too."
"But my feelings haven't changed.Not even a little."
I look over at him."Mine haven't either.But our circumstances have."
He nods slowly."I know.But I meant what I said.I'm going to fix this."
Now those feelings are more intense, and I don't know if it's because they are real or if it's just because I can't have him now.But I want to find out.
"I hope you do."
He glances at me again."Can I ask you something real?"
I nod."Yeah."
"How's school?Really?Your classes, your schedule?Are you overloaded yet?"
The question catches me off guard.We never talked about normal life stuff."It's busy.Getting organized.Senior year is no joke.But I'm managing."
He nods thoughtfully."And your job?Still at the spa?"
"Yeah, part-time.Enough to pay for food and gas."
He smiles."Still planning the mommy-and-me spa dream?"
My eyes widen."How do you even know about that?"
"It was on the paper you turned in at the beginning of class."
I had forgotten all about that.Knowing read it and remembered it offers comfort, a small tie between us.
That pulls a smile from me."Yeah, I'm still planning it."
"You'll be great."
I glance at him."What about you?How's the professor gig going?"
He sighs."It's...different.Balancing academia with Club Red is strange.But I'm actually working on a BDSM curriculum to partner with Club Red and sociology electives.Carter and the Club are helping."
I blink."Seriously?"
"Yeah.It's something I believe in.Done right, it can change how people view kink and consent."