“My … boyfriend was with me.” That sounds better than my boss, my brother’s best friend.
I can’t believe I didn’t think about the time difference and what that would mean for birth control. I feel like such an idiot.
“It doesn’t happen often. Sometimes, if you’re in a different time zone, especially one that’s so far ahead of your regular time zone, it will make the pill less effective.”
“I should have thought about that.”
“It happens more than you think. Don’t be too hard on yourself. About your due date, it looks like it would be May 10.”
I find my hand going straight to my belly. The realization that there is for sure a baby in there—my baby—feels overwhelming. Immediately, I know I will do anything to protect my baby.
Dr. Bryant goes through prenatal vitamins and general dos and don’ts of pregnancy. Suddenly, I wish someone were here with me. If Roman were here, he would catalog all of this in his brain for me.
Will he ever be here? Am I going to come to all these appointments alone?
I can’t get out of the office fast enough.
Dr. Bryant gives me some pamphlets and tells me to schedule my next visit in a month at the front desk.
The moment I get outside, the tears spill down my cheeks, one after the other. The September weather is still unbearably hot and humid, but I need to walk.
The chaos in the streets of New York City normally helps take me out of my head, but today, nothing can distract me. I picture myself going in for the ultrasound, excited to find out the gender, and having no one to celebrate with but the technician.
Will they look at me with pity in their eyes?
Now that I’ve had my appointment, it’s time to figure out how I’m going to tell Roman. I want to just rip it off like a Band-Aid. Just two words …I’m pregnant. Let him tell me what he thinks.
But I know I need to be gentle. I imagine kids were never in his future, as far as he thought. If he didn’t plan on marriage, it’s unlikely he planned on kids.
When I get home, I grab a snack and plop down on the couch. I’ve found that snacking throughout the day helps with my nausea. I can’t eat big meals right now.
It’s four o’clock on a Saturday, and I’m ready to go to bed. The fatigue just keeps getting worse. No matter how much sleep I get at night, by dinnertime, I’m done.
Tomorrow morning, I have got to get some work done. I did what I could the rest of the week, but mornings made it pretty hard to focus. Luckily, I got through my Zoom calls where needed, and no one seemed to notice I was on the verge of puking.
After I finish my snack, I lie down on the couch and put on a TV show. It’s not long before my eyelids feel heavy and become near impossible to keep open.
They flutter closed as I fall into a restless nap.
Chapter Thirty
Roman
Last night, I decided to wait until today to stop by her place. After having several beers, I didn’t want to show up tipsy and say something stupid.
So, here I stand, at her door, on my way back from a run. It’s as good of a time as any to see if she’s feeling better. I just hope the guys are right and I overreacted.
I beat my knuckles against the door. After a moment of no response, my heart sinks into my chest. Is she not home? My mind starts to race with all the possibilities again, doubt creeping in, and then I hear a scream come from inside her apartment.
“Eva,” I shout.
Instinct kicks in. I turn the knob, and the door, unlocked, swings open.
I follow the crying and groaning to the family room, where I spot her on the couch, holding her stomach.
“Eva.” I run to her.
She is hunched over the side of the couch, looking like she’s in serious pain.