I didn’t even think about the panic she must be feeling, being called to the emergency room without being told what’s going on. I just couldn’t tell her about the baby over the phone. It didn’t feel right.
“Let’s go inside,” I reply.
She follows me back into the hospital. I lead her down the hall, all the way to where the gift shop is. There’s a coffee shop next door with plenty of seating for us to have a comfortable space to talk.
“Do you want anything to drink or eat?” I ask as she takes a seat in a booth in the corner.
“What I would like is for you to tell me what is happening.”
I take a seat opposite her. “I’m sorry, Ma. It’s been a crazy afternoon.” I take a deep breath, trying to figure out where a good place to start is. “I should start with telling you that Eva and I have been more than just friends.”
She chuckles at my admission. “Oh, Roman. It’s sweet that you think I wasn’t aware of that.”
“You knew?” I lean back in my seat.
Her head falls to the side. “I’m your mother. Of course I knew. I also have two working eyes.”
That makes me smile. Something that feels necessary if I’m going to make it through this. “Well, I thought we were doing a better job of hiding it.”
“My question is, why were you trying to hide it in the first place?”
Here goes nothing. It takes me a moment to gather my thoughts. I’ve never talked about deep matters with Ma, but it’s time.
“I told her from the beginning it was only ever going to be … sexual,” I admit, and the awkwardness of stating that truth to my own mother hits.
“Roman Bertini. Why would you treat such a kind, beautiful woman like that?”
Shame follows. “I’ve never planned to get married. This was how it was for all my intimate encounters. I made sure to tell them that up front so I wouldn’t mislead anyone.”
“Why in the world are you against marriage?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” I respond, scanning her face for her reaction.
She purses her lips as I watch her contemplate my question. “No, sweetie, it’s not obvious.”
“Dad.”
She gasps audibly. “Your father? Why would your father be the reasonyoudon’t want to get married?”
“Because I’m just like him, Ma. He woke up one day, and out of nowhere, he decided your marriage didn’t matter to him. It ruined us. Our family has never been the same. And me … I’mlike him in so many ways. I don’t want to have a family to destroy one day.”
Tears flood her eyes. “Roman,” she whispers sadly, “you’ve been carrying that around all these years?”
I divert my eyes and blink away the emotions threatening to take over. I nod my head.
“Roman, you are not like your father.”
“I’m just like him, Ma. Why do you think I’m the one who chose to take over his company?”
“Enjoying the same career as him does not make you like him. Even if you are, your father has many wonderful qualities. Being like him isn’t a bad thing.”
“But he destroyed our family. He hurt you. You guys were happy, and he just left you …”
I don’t know why she isn’t as angry about this as I am. I know how much he hurt her. I saw it.
“We weren’t happy for years before he decided to leave.”
Her words are a shock to my system. There’s just no way. I didn’t see them fighting or looking unhappy in any way.