Surely that had to be why she had been so scared of fighting for what she needed.
From what Santiago had told her about his father’s affairs, she knew her mother had been wrong to think Álvaro De Montoya was a man who could love her. Their brief, selfish affair had been an illusion built on desire and desperation—and it hadalwaysbeen bound to fail.
But why had she given up on her feelings for Santiago so easily? When she knew in her heart Santiago was a much better man than his father had ever been.
She’d seen those precious glimpses of the boy his father had tried so hard to destroy. The playful, kind, protective man. The man who loved and respected his family so much he had blamed himself for his mother’s suicide. The fierce, possessive lover who had always put her pleasure above his own—and had been distraught at the thought that he had taken advantage of her. Even the obsessive workaholic who had fought so hard to provide a stable home for his family ever since he was sixteen.
But inside that man was also the boy who was terrified of taking a chance on love. Terrified of exposing himself again to the rejection he’d suffered as a child from the man who should have protected him.
‘If you love me,’ he said, his voice breaking, ‘why will you not agree to stay in this marriage?’
She placed her hand on his cheek, the five o’clock stubble abrading her palm.
‘Because I need you to love me back, Santiago,’ she said, finally demanding what she should have demanded weeks ago, when he had first proposed to her.
His jaw tensed. ‘But I’m not sure I am capable of that…’ he murmured, but behind the doubt she could hear the terror.
Tears prickled at the back of her eyes, because she could see the broken boy so clearly now, behind the man.
‘Oh, Santiago. Of course you are.’
He lifted his head, his gaze tortured, and so vulnerable… He let out a ragged breath. ‘How can you know that?’
She nodded, tears falling down her cheeks, suddenly realising it had always been so simple. That by loving him, being open and honest about her feelings—and forcing him to be open and honest about his own feelings too—she could make him see that he deserved love, just as she did.
‘You’re just scared,’ she said. ‘Because your father made you feel responsible for his failings. Just like my dad made me think that somehow, I was responsible for my mum running out on him. But the truth is neither of us deserved to be judged for what they did.’
He shuddered, as if the last of the barriers he had put around his heart were crashing down before her very eyes. She knew it hurt. Because it hurt her too, to see him so scared and so unsure.
‘But you have to open your heart to me, Santiago,’ she said, letting the last of the fear go. ‘You have to make yourself vulnerable to love again. You have to be honest with me about your feelings.Allyour feelings. Or we’ll never really have any more than they did.’ She sent him a watery smile, her desperate need for him to let her in the rest of the way all that mattered now. ‘And look how that turned out.’
He brushed a tear away with his thumb.
‘I do have feelings for you, Cerys. So many feelings I do not recognise. Feelings I have been terrified of admitting, even to myself,’ he said.
She pressed her hand to his cheek, letting her heart lead when his eyes flared with emotions he had never let her see before.
‘Ditto,’ she whispered. ‘Do they still scare you?’ she asked, her breath trapped in her lungs, the anticipation more than she could bear.
He pressed his forehead to hers, let out a long sigh. ‘Sí, but losing you scares me more…’
She clasped his head, drew him back so he could see everything she felt, everything she needed. ‘They terrify me too, Santiago, but the good news is, being scared together is so much better than being scared apart.’
He let out a harsh laugh, his eyes darkening not just with desire now, but also with longing. And love.
‘You are so brave, Cerys,’ he said, making her heart swell against her chest. ‘You make me feel brave too.’
She grinned back at him. ‘Brave enough to give those feelings a chance?’ she asked, but she could already see the answer in his eyes.
‘I am not sure I ever had a choice,’ he said ruefully. But then he dragged her into his arms and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, full of emotion and desire. ‘But yes, brave enough to try…’
Tears of gratitude spilled over her lids and she sniffed, the emotion so immense she could feel her heart shattering all over again. But in a good way this time. ‘Then I guess we’re still married,’ she whispered.
He laughed, the sound deep and husky with relief. But then he yanked her the rest of the way into his embrace, urgency surging between them. ‘Will you let me have you now, Cerys? My wife. My love.’
She nodded—because her hunger was vicious and desperate too.
‘Gracias a Dios.’ He grasped her waist and lifted her into his arms. But as he carried her into the bedroom, it wasn’t just her sex which was throbbing so hard she felt giddy with need and longing, it was her heart, too.