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“I doubt I could get a loan.”
“Maybe not in two weeks, but that doesn’t mean never. Like I said, you’re more than welcomed to my guest room.”
“Thanks but looks like I’ve landed on your fiancée’s bad side.”
Cal waved his hand. “She’s fiercely protective of Poppy and Chris, but she forgives easily.”
“Thank goodness for that,” I said. “Even so, you and Rowan have enough going on without adding a houseguest.”
“The offer stands.”
I nodded. I could feel my emotions building: panic that I was about to lose my home, guilt that I’d upset my friends, and sadness, always the bone-crushing sadness that I’d ruined so many lives, including my own. I craved physical pain to still my racing thoughts and blunt the anguish. A single slice of a razor blade. Maybe two. But I’d promised Cal and Aiden last summer I was done cutting, and I meant to keep that promise, even if it upped the number of panic attacks I had. And I’d do everything in my power to keep them from seeing me fall apart. “I think I’ll head out. I don’t want everyone focused on me.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, brother, I’m sure. Call me when you’re ready to leave, and I’ll drive you home.”
“Won’t be necessary. Aiden can crash with me, and Cammie and Lauren already had plans to stay at her place. We can all walk. We’ll be too drunk to feel the cold.”
We both climbed out of the booth, and he gave me a crushing hug. “I’ll tell everyone you got the runs and had to leave.”
“Fuck you,” I said, pounding his back.
“Here,” he said, handing me his keys. “Did Aiden already give you his?”
I nodded and put Cal’s keys in my jacket pocket. “Thanks, brother. Tell Aiden I’ll pick him up tomorrow whenever he’s ready and drop off your keys.”
“Will do. I’ll make some other excuse for you ditching us, but you’ve got to admit, the runs works pretty well.”
“Good night,” I said and smiled at him despite how tense I felt.
I watched Cal weave through the bar to the back where a small crowd had gathered to watch Poppy and Aiden go head-to-head at darts. I wanted to join them and wrap my arms aroundPoppy between throws. Maybe drive her to my place after I dropped everyone safely home and spend the rest of the night worshipping every precious inch of her body. Instead, I slid into my jacket, feeling the comforting weight of Aiden’s and Cal’s keys, and listened to my dad’s voice remind me that I didn’t deserve to be that happy.
Chapter seven
Poppy
Instead of giving Theothe option to see me or not, I stood outside Marked, working up the courage to open the door. I typically visited him after the shop closed. On the few occasions I’d stopped by while Max and Theo were working, the buzz of the tattoo gun had made my head spin. I let out a shaky breath, gripped the door handle, and yanked it open so hard the bell overhead had a hissy fit.
Max walked from the back room and smiled at me. “Morning, Poppy. Thought you were my one o’clock.”
“Definitely not,” I said, relieved the shop was quiet apart from the classic rock blasting through the speakers. “Is Theo here?”
“Upstairs. He’s not scheduled until two.”
“Oh.” I shifted back and forth, my combat boots squeaking against the waxed floor. “Sorry to bother you.” I turned to go, but Max stopped me.
“He’s up. I heard him moving around before I started the music. Come on to the back and knock on his door.”
“He isn’t expecting me.” And I was taking him not working as a sign I shouldn’t ambush him, even to apologize for letting slip that he’d been evicted. He’d bolted from Church right after I blabbed and hadn’t read any of my texts since. “I’ll just talk to him later.”
“Please,” Max said, with a hint of desperation in his voice. “I’ve wanted to check on him since I got here.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “So, you’re aware of the shit storm you started?”
Max nodded.
“Did you know he had a panic attack on Thursday?”