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“Mom, I could’ve carried those.”
“I am perfectly capable of carrying a box myself.” Her skeptical expression shut him up in that way that only his mother could.
“Oh.” The files held everything having to do with the apartment. He meant to bring it to the apartment, but that place had never felt enough like home for him to want to spend time moving more shit into it. “Thanks for finding this.”
“Looking to get rid of some of the clutter, but I didn’t want to shred anything you needed. You’re still fixing it up to sell?” She leveled him with an appraising stare.
“Hopefully.”
She took a sip from a Disney mug—one he hadn’t ever seen before. “Amy said Dylan seems very nice.”
Derek burned his tongue on the tea. “He is. He’s—uh—helping me with the renovations to the apartment.”
She nodded. “Amy says you’re just friends?”
“I…” He wasn’t expecting this question from her. Amy, sure. But his mom didn’t usually ask much about his relationships. Not that there had been any actual ones for her to ask about. “It’s been kind of a shi—crummy few years, Mom. A lot’s happened, and I don’t know if it’s too soon… I don’t know…”
His mother let her teabag drip onto a saucer. “After your father passed, being a widow became my entire identity. I wanted to forget that another side of me had existed and could still exist in the future.”
Derek swirled his tea.
“Years went by, and it wasn’t just about grief. Being alone became a habit because I was afraid to try again. I was afraid to open that door because… what if there was nothing behind it?”
“And behind it was a humane animal relocation specialist?”
“Behind it was fun. Behind it was adventure. Behind it was love. Different, but just as real.”
A strange burning seared his eyes.
His mother stared at the counter. “I guess sometimes habits—even if they don’t feel good or even if they make you lonely—can get comfortable. At least they can seem more comfortable than trying.”
“You were lonely all these years?”
“Mostly, I was too busy being a single mother trying to pay the mortgage to be lonely. I had the girls. And I had you here. I had you a lot longer than I had any right to have you.” Her head bowed forward as she stirred her mug into an eddy. “I relied on you too much. I should’ve been encouraging you to do more or try things, but I didn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to push you farther away from the nest.”
“I wanted to be here. I wanted to see my sisters grow up and help out. It made me happy.”
She tapped her spoon three times on the rim. “Still, I know it wasn’t fair to you. And I know it wasn’t fair for you to find out about Ken the way you did. Although honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard Amy as gleeful as when she got the ‘Mom eloped’ gossip before you.”
Derek laughed in spite of himself. “I can see that.”
“I just didn’t know how to tell you. Since Olive’s brother’s accident you’ve been trying so hard to not let anyone know how much you’re hurting. I know part of that was because of what Olive was going through, but I’d hoped you’d confide in me…” She twisted her hands. “You never did. I guess I should confess sometimes I would tell you things were broken at the house just because I wanted you to come over, so I could make sure you were still okay.”
“God, Mom, I’m sor—”
“Why are you apologizing to me?” She gave him a half-serious, half-severe look. “I’m the one who married the bat man without telling her son.”
“I think Dylan’s going to be calling him Bruce Wayne until the end of time.” He laughed, a real laugh this time. Dylan could always shake him out of a bad mood.
“I’ve been rethinking a lot of things lately. Ken’s been helping me see the ways I was stuck in prejudice even when I thought I was just wanting the best for you. I really am sorry. And I think that’s why I never told you…” Her gaze was a mixture of regret and appraising.
“Never told me what?” Derek tilted his head. “About getting married? It’s really fine—”
“Not that.” After another X-raying look, she paced back and forth next to the island. “Jake Murphy came by here a few days before his accident.”
“What?” He set down his mug, feeling oddly shaky to hear his mom say Jake’s name. Jake had come by their house a couple days before his accident? He didn’t know how to feel about that, except that he was surprised it didn’t sting more.
“You were staying here before closing on Michelle’s apartment.”