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“Oh… Um, okay.” Joni’s expression never lost the measured calm she used at work. “Actually, because of liability, I can’t look at your mole, but I do have the name of a wonderful dermatologist nearby.”
“Well, I’m very picky about health care providers. I’ve had to write so many Yelp reviews…”
“It’s a good thing our community has so many for you to choose from.” Joni pursed her lips. “Well, we’re going to eat. I’ll have Derek forward you that number.” She closed the door behind her without another look back. She followed Derek into the kitchen where he was handing over her bowl. “Derek Chang, if you ever give that scary MLM lady my phone number so she can harass me about joining her cosmetic pyramid scheme, I’ll kill you.”
Derek offered her a look of exaggerated outrage. “I would never. And Jesus. You gingers and the death threats.”
“You have another ginger threatening your life?”
“Dylan’s sister. You’d like her.” He still needed to get that stupid key back from Carol, but for now, at least she left without barging in to inspect the renovation process. They had done absolutely everything to the letter of the HOA’s rules. If Carol tried to fine him, she wouldn’t have a legitimate reason.
Unless she found out Gus was living here.
Joni settled down at the kitchen table and ate a few mouthfuls before speaking again. “Gosh, your eye still looks a little awful in this light.”
“Always so flattering. Is that patient still there? I didn’t have a chance to check the other board today.”
Joni nodded. “I still wish you would have let me report this for concuss—”
“I need the money, Joni. If I’m concussed, I’m out for weeks. No differentials. No overtime. Being on disability would cut my take-home pay in half.”
Her mouth pressed into a line. “I get it. I just hate it.”
“Health care in America?”
“Yeah, that too.” She sighed and scanned the room. “So… what’s Dylan up to tonight?” She spun the lazy Susan in the center of his table around to find the salt. Dylan had left all of Derek’s things perfectly labeled, so it was easy to find the essentials.
Derek snapped the disposable chopsticks with more vigor than necessary. “I think I blew that all up again too.”
After nodding, Joni left the space for him to say more if he wanted to.
The entire weight of everything crashed into Derek as he stirred his food. He had made a lot of assumptions about Dylan. But tonight, he’d tried to fix things and talk it out, yet somehow that still ended in a fight because as soon as Jake got brought up, Derek flew off the handle. Maybe Derek was as much of a disaster as his apartment.
He had been bottling everything up inside him for months… maybe years. Had he ever actually even cried about Jake?
Thinking he had lost Gus tonight cracked an emotional levee he didn’t remember installing. Then he’d screwed it all up with Dylan again, and for whatever reason that piece of it kept getting rehashed by his mind over and over again.
Joni rested a hand over his.
“I’m a disaster. This is disaster. All of it’s such a goddamn disaster.”
Joni nodded.
Everything deluged out in the form of a long, rambling monologue. He told her everything. All of it. Everything he’d left out before about Jake and Hudson. How when Gus was gone, he’d had what might have been an actual panic attack because Gus was all he had left of Jake. He told Joni what happened with Dylan before Felicity showed up. Even his worries about wanting to protect Olive spilled out. When he started to talk about Michelle and what was happening with her, his voice broke.
Old words in his father’s voice echoed in his head. Derek needed to be the one to help her. He needed to help Mom. He’d helped Amy and her family as much as he could, but she barely needed him these days. He’d always known he failed his family in so many ways as a teenager. Derek was in his thirties. Wasn’t he supposed to know how to help the people he loved by now?
Joni patted his shoulder.
Maybe if Derek could cry about this, he could fix it.
He’d rarely even talked to Olive about losing his dad since the year after it happened. It was too much. His father had died so long ago. Shouldn’t Derek be past it? This was no one’s responsibility except his own.
He breathed slowly, and Joni increased the pressure on his shoulders. When she released him, he felt lighter. Maybe this was all he needed.
No…
There was something else he needed to fix.