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Joni studied his face. “I’m still confused.”
Derek tried to explain. But because she didn’t know Jake, she couldn’t fully understand how bizarre it was to see Jake looking lost. Jake was the All-American superhero that someone would put on a magazine cover. Even more than that, Jake had been the one to teach Derek how to drive. Jake had been the first person he knew to come out to his family and basically dare the world to give him any shit for being gay. No one ever did. Jake always seemed to know what to do in every situation. While Olive babysat Derek’s sisters, Jake had driven Derek and his mother all over town while they planned Derek’s dad’s funeral. Derek never asked him to do it. He just did.
“So, you thought Dylan might’ve hurt someone you loved… and because you, like Olive, are the most fiercely loyal person on the planet, you kinda decided to hate him for eternity without knowing the details?”
“Pretty much. It’s just… Jake… he wasn’t just Olive’s brother, you know? Jake was…” Derek couldn’t even pick the right word.
“Ah… okay. I think I’m understanding a little better now.” A different kind of pity infused Joni’s voice.
“Stop.”
Small wrinkles creased Joni’s forehead. She had one of those faces. The kind that made deep dark secrets spill out because anyone looking at her intuitively knew she wouldn’t judge.
Very infuriating at the moment.
Her teal blue truth serum eyes bored into him, and something brittle inside his chest cracked.
She lay back down, giving him a needed break from the eye contact. “How long were you in love with Jake?”
There it was.
“Shit.” Derek dug his elbows into his knees until they hurt.
“Did he feel the same way?” No judgment or pressure. He also appreciated her calling him Jake instead of Olive’s brother.
Derek sat on the edge of the stretcher and rested his head on his knuckles. “Guess I’ll never really know.”
God, he sounded so bitter.
“I’m so sorry.” She came to sit beside him.
“Me too.”
“And Olive…”
“Doesn’t know.”
“But you tell each other everything.”
He stood and paced. “Everything but this. Literally everything but this while Jake was alive, and then after he died… fuck.” He faced her with his hand out defensively. “She was having a really tough time. I couldn’t fix it, so I needed to be strong for her.”
“I think you’ve filled that role a lot in your life…” Joni frowned. “You didn’t want her to feel like she needed to take care of you while she was dealing with her own loss. So you dealt with yours completely alone.”
“Are you a witch?”
Joni grinned but tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. “That’s not the first time I’ve been asked, believe it or not. Probably partially because of the red-hair reputation for soul stealing.”
Derek laughed in spite of everything else he was feeling.
“I understand why you didn’t tell Olive, but I’m honored you’re trusting me with this. Life is complicated. For the record, I think Olive would understand.”
“Maybe.”
DYLAN
FYI—I took Gus for a walk.
DEREK