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“I couldn’t imagine living for a thousand years,” I said.
“You might want to. The fact that you heal quickly is a good indicator that you will live the same life span as a normal alfar.”
Another possibility I hadn’t thought of.
“What are we going to do about that? Won’t people notice ten years down the road when I don’t age?” I asked.
“We will cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, I just want to be with you,” he said, kissing my hand. “Tell me about Lilian.”
I smiled at the sound of her name. “She’s wonderful. She’s sixteen. I met her three years ago when her family died and left her orphaned. She somehow completed our little family. I didn’t know what it felt like to be compelled to die for another until her. But she awoke something inside of me. I think she’s the first person I’ve ever really loved.
“She is kind and caring. She is always thinking of those around her first. She has beautiful hazel eyes with brown hair that turns to gold when the sun hits it. Little freckles cover the bridge of her nose and under her eyes. Her presence can light up any room. The sheer sight of her smile can lift your spirit. She’s truly something special,” I said. A sense of loss welled up inside me.
“You’ll see her again. We will find a way, I promise,” he said, wrapping an arm around me.
“Erendrial said something to me. He said that a dark alfar had taken her as his lover. Do you think he was just messing with me, or could he be right?” I asked, feeling sick to my stomach.
“I can’t answer that. If she is the light that you say, the dark alfar would be attracted to her. They tend to seek out the good, destroying it in their obsession. But Lilian offers them something the court lacks, so hopefully, that will keep her alive until we can get her out.”
“And then what? Bring her back here to be raped by the light alfar?” I pulled away.
“Hopefully by then I will be able to protect her, and you. I’m trying, Genevieve.”
I looked at him, sighing my frustration away. “I know you are. I just can’t stomach the thought of her being hurt in any way.” I took his hand in mine, squeezing it tightly. “When is your wedding supposed to happen?”
He dropped his head. “Two months from now after the autumn equinox.”
“How long does it usually take for an alfar to conceive?”
“Each one varies. I will be expected to spend three nights a month with her, but once she has conceived, I will not have to touch her again.”
“Is one heir really enough?” I asked.
“It will have to be because that’s all she’s getting from me.”
I saw the distress on his face. I had never thought of our roles being reversed. “You’re being forced to be with her, against your will,” I said.
He closed his eyes. “Yes.” A moment went by before he unraveled his fingers from mine. “Is that the way you feel when I want you?” I was taken back by the question.
Surprised that he would even ask, I rubbed my hand down his arm for comfort. “You’ve never forced me. I’ve always been with you willingly. You have always shown me kindness and you’ve been tender during our times together. I would never compare the two,” I said, hoping that was enough.
“If you had a choice, would you leave?” He asked.
I turned my eyes away from him, not wanting him to see my face. “I’m scared, Gaelin. This whole place scares me. As beautiful and magical as all of this is, everything here wants to kill me. I’m powerless in a world full of things that see me as nothing more than a lamb.”
“That day in the marketplace,” he said quietly, “I should have turned you away. I said yes to you for my own selfish reason. I was taken with you, and I knew this was the group that the king would allow me to choose from. I placed you in this position for my own selfish gain. I could have never imagined feeling for you then what I do now. I’m sorry.”
“If you wouldn’t have taken me that day, I would have found another way in. You were the safest option and I appreciate all you’ve done for me since.” I took his face in my hands, drawing my fingers along his soft cheek bone.
“I know this is an act, Gen. I’ve felt you slipping away ever since our first conversation about your position. When we’re together, you don’t smell the same. I feel like I am taking you against your will and I don’t want that. I never have. What can I do to fix it?” He asked.
I had never heard such vulnerability from him before. I bowed my head. “I don’t know. A lot has happened in the past few weeks. I think I just need time to wrap my head around all of this. But your trust and respect are a good start. And more days like this, where it is just the two of us,” I said, smiling at him for reassurance.
He nodded, looking back out to the lake. “I can do that,” he replied.
I stood and started to take off my clothes. He looked up at me curiously.
“What are you doing?” He asked.