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She spent the rest of the morning pleasantly doing her homework, talking to her phone about the screenplay, editing herKipodocument with the timer going, eating delicious chicken enchiladas that her mom had made while thinking about whether Wil had gone to Kettle’s, imagining Wil pushing through the door into that coffee shop, imagining her not doing it, sitting in her parked Bronco at the curb, pulling out of the spot and driving through for fast-food lunch somewhere alone, annoyed with herself or with Katie.
There were things she liked about all of what she imagined, but she hoped Wil had gone inside.
“Katie, honey, can I ask you something?” Diana Price scooped another enchilada onto Katie’s plate and leaned on the big honey granite countertop, her matching bob swinging forward.
Katie liked looking at her mom, both because she loved her and because she was looking at herself, older, and she had a lot to look forward to. “You may.”
“What are you doing with Wil Greene?”
“Ha! That is such a loaded question.” Katie spent a moment cutting her enchilada into perfect bite-size pieces and dolloping crema on each one. “Counterquestion. What are you doing with my team?”
Diana raised her perfectly shaped eyebrows.
“Don’t”—Katie pointed her fork at her mother—“give me that look of innocence. It is effective, but it is false. Cookies for April? Seroogy’s chocolates for Madelynn? I’m guessing there were little notes as well. Veiled, Midwestern-style threats to keep your daughter safe, but in perfect handwriting on holly-and-candles paper.”
“I went with wreaths this year.” Diana’s mouth tightened very slightly. “And I know all of those people and care about them. It’s Christmas.”
Katie nodded. Nodded some more. “April and Madelynn are worth all of the care.Familyis a strong word, but it’s one you and Dad taught me the value of, and it’s one of the things I feel with those two women.”
Diana was silent for a long moment. She folded her hands on the table, her face set in the neutral expression she used to keep Katie from reading her mind. “So you’re saying yes on cookies and candy, but I should put a lid on the imperious expectations of duty.”
“If you would. As far as Wil goes, if we were in a scene together and you asked me, ‘What are you doing with Wil Greene?’ the audience would lean forward in their seats with absolutelyno ideawhere this scene was going next. Will they fight? Will they confess things and cry? Will the mother tell the daughter to stay away from the dangerous internet-famous high school friend, or will she be glad the sheltered starlet has someone to talk to?” She smiled at her mother.
Diana poked her. “You are being very extra right now.”
She was. Katie could hear it in her voice—a little bit too much pressure, a feeling like she was reading lines too fast. She knew she shouldn’t be irritated with her mother. It was just that she’d wanted to hang onto the good feeling from seeing Wil on FaceTime a little longer. “I know.”
“I like Wil very much. I love her. I’ve known her for her whole life.” Diana’s tone was apologetic. They didn’t fight, or at least they hadn’t, not for a long time.
Katie had needed her mother too much to fight with her.
“Yes. I know you do. I also know that there’s abut. As in,butI am only home for a short time, and I am a celebrity, and Wil is not a celebritybuthas become internet famous in a way that could have consequences for my public image. And also I could hurt her. Or she could hurt me. That’s enough things to be worried aboutthat I should, minimally,thinkabout what I’m doing with Wil Greene.”
Diana had gone still. “It sounds like I’m not a very kind voice in your head.”
Katie’s gaze dropped to the countertop. She could hear her mom’s hurt, and she didn’t want to see it. “You’re the voice of survival in my head.”
“Katie—”
“It’s okay.” Katie nodded at her plate. “It’s okay. I’m not upset. But I mean that. You were the only person I could call. I was sitting in that hotel room with nothing after leaving Ben, and I knew how to survive. I could survive if I called you.”
Diana blinked rapidly and looked away, shaking her head back and forth. “You have so much.” Diana’s voice was soft. “What else do you want?”
Katie made herself listen to that roughness in her mother’s voice and feel her heart pounding for a long moment.
Her mom meant,How else are you going to be hurt?
Katie didn’t know how to find the right words, the right feelings, to express the way she was already hurting. She didn’t know how to explain to Diana Price that despite having survived, despite years of therapy, despite all of the awards and accolades she’d earned and havingso much, so much,she was not okay, because she needed more. Wanted more.
Katie Price was not supposed to want more.
“Did you know that IlikedWil my senior year?” she asked, turning this conversation her mom had started about Wil into something with lower stakes.
“Wil? Did I know?” Diana laughed. “Beanie and I suspected. Before Wil, you didn’t date anyone or even go to a dance, even with a friend. You were so hardworking and dedicated, I don’t think I thought much about that until maybe around your junior year. I hadbeen a bit of a late bloomer also. But your senior year, yes. I could tell that there was something different between you two.”
“I was in love with her.”
Her mom gave her a look that Katie couldn’t interpret. “Did you know that at the time?”