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I cuddled Garnet, shook my head, and said, “It’s not a problem. I mean, I’m dressed like I’m about to go work in a brothel. I’m definitely weaponizing my physical attributes. Let’s just get this over with before I decide to try to steal the car and run for the hills.”
I’d been confident in my apartment, but I fought the urge to hide in Chester’s cruiser. What was I supposed to say to Erik? ‘I’m sorry’ wouldn’t cut it. Good intentions had driven my every decision, but I’d ventured straight into the depths of some hell.
“You wouldn’t make it far. She’s low on gas, and he has to get special fuel for her. Our modern fuels aren’t the right blend.”
Damn. “He let that baby run low on gas?”
“She costs several hundred to fill up, and he has to put in an order a week before he needs it.” He pointed at his cruiser. “We use a different type of fuel nowadays. The stuff that people put in those old cars hasn’t been used for at least seventy-five years. It can still be acquired, but it’s rough.”
“That implies he drives her.”
“He does.” Chester headed for the walkway, waving for me to follow. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he swoops in for a hug. We’re yellows. We’re attention whores. We thrive when we’re getting affection from family and friends.”
I raised a brow at that. “He chose poorly, then. I am not precisely a hugely affectionate person, especially not with strangers.”
“According to him, you are well worth waiting for.”
“This is going to be a mess for reasons I hadn’t anticipated,” I confessed. “All right. Let’s get this over with. You did tell someone you were bringing an extra, right?”
“I told my father I was bringing you, and that you were opting to be assertive about the situation. He has agreed to allow you to surprise Erik. Erik will be helping Mom in the kitchen. Mom doesn’t know why she has a slave named Erik, but one of us is sacrificed for the job of helping in the kitchen, especially when there is an unanticipated extra. I also relayed Garnet’s dietary interests, so there will be a variety of treats for her to try.”
I smiled over the display of welcome. “You hear that, Garnet? You’re going to get treats to try with dinner tonight. As we’re guests, please try not to fall into your plate of mashed potatoes and hot sauce, okay?”
My kitten chirped and nuzzled my cheek.
“I could throw you over my shoulder and toss you into my brother. By the time he realizes I assaulted him with a woman, I’ll be safely out of his range.”
I raised a brow. “Why would you do that?”
“It’d be hilarious, especially if I cuffed you first.”
Well, Chester looked like Erik, but he certainly acted nothing like Erik. I considered his plan, shook my head, and said, “I can deal with the handcuffs as long as you’re apprehending me for something funny.”
“You have a criminally cute kitten.”
As I couldn’t argue with him, I held my hands out. “I really do. Let’s not cuff my hands behind my back, though. I’ve weaponized my physical attributes enough for one day.”
Partway during the cuffing process, an older version of Erik stepped out of the front door and headed our way. “Why are you handcuffing your sister?”
When had I become Chester’s sister? Puzzled, I regarded the man, who wore a dark blue suit with a matching tie and a pale pastel blue shirt. “I’m his sister? Did I miss a wedding?”
“Yes, to both of those questions.” The man looked me over. “For good reason, mind you. I hope Chester has not been bothering you. I was quite surprised when he texted that he was bringing you over. Why are you being handcuffed?”
“Garnet is criminally cute, so I am being apprehended and taken into custody. This is reasonable because she is just that cute.” Garnet squeaked, and she pressed close to my neck, my cue that the kitten lacked an understanding of what went on and why. I lifted my hands and gave her the petting she deserved. “It’s okay, Garnet. We’re playing. I’m nervous, and when I get nervous, I tend to make a lot of mistakes and behave closer to my shoe size rather than my age. Anyway, I wouldn’t say Chester is bothering me. Whomever took photographs and added them to the paper is definitely bothering me. I’m guessing you’re Erik’s father?”
“I am. Call me John. If you absolutely must, you can sir and ma’am us, but we prefer hearing our names now and then. Nicknames are welcome and encouraged, but we prefer to avoid reminders of what our last name is. We hear that often enough at work. There are a few rules in this house. Our job descriptions stay outside. If we used rank or titles or what have you inside, we’d do nothing but posture. If we get angry to the point we want to start calling names, we excuse ourselves. Just state that your temper is on the rise and walk off. We leave the arguing for outdoors if an argument must happen at all. All animals brought indoors must use the species appropriate facilities, but should a mess be made, the owner is responsible. We’ve got six K9s, so keep your bird close to you. They’re trained to get along with cats, as we have seven of them running around the house, but we’ve never had birds before.”
“Tourmaline, you best ride on my shoulder with Garnet for this,” I said. “But that won’t be a problem. They’ll stay with me unless they need to use the bathroom. As long as the bathroom door is open, they can handle the matter themselves, although someone will have to flush after Tourmaline.”
The hummingbird flitted over and decided to land on Garnet, burrowing into her fur.
“I see our K9s have been severely outclassed.” Erik’s father grinned. “When ours are off duty, we’re lucky to get them to sit. And they know when they’re off duty.”
That tracked; while I hadn’t had a dog while working in Miami, I also hadn’t wanted one. I’d dedicated all my time and energy to investigations. “How is it you get away with having so many family members working on the force?”
“We have an established protocol for disciplinary matters, and if I do have to make a decision regarding a family member, all names and identifiers are hidden if it’s a new case. That way, I look at the interview material, the situation, and make an assessment before finding out which one of my asshole kids decided to do something stupid.”
Chester snickered, and he directed me towards the front door. “A few years back, I was on vacation, got drunk in a bar, and got the cops called on me for disorderly conduct. I was singing along with the karaoke singers. I’m loud. I was too drunk to clue in maybe I should stop. Upon realizing they dealt with a drunk, off-duty cop singing, I got hauled to the local station and written up for not having the wisdom to take a babysitter with me while out on the town. I was assigned to watching the general holding cell for three weeks.”